In Australia, everything pretty much looks like this, except the desert and the ocean. There are lots of leaves, hills and eucalyptus trees – some people call them gum trees though. Some other people also say to look out for koalas in the branches, I have never seen one. I once saw a brown snake on the grass at my friend’s barbecue though.




A vineyard gets its name from the word “vine” but it’s pronounced “vin-yard”.




In the “vin-yard” I found a kangaroo looking for grapes.



Then a shed.



Then I found this guy who said his name was “Dave mate” lighting fires around the property practicing in preparation for the “main fire”. NOTE* In Australia, it is illegal to light a fire if you are not holding a beer or some kind of alcohol drink.




Dave mate just left the fire to burn by itself, I told him I’d stay and watch the fire. He said “make sure you’ve got a beer mate, I’ve seen a few cops around here lately”.



I held onto my beer mate tightly.



Luckily we were at a vineyard where it’s very easy to not be illegal.



We drank straight from the barrels to get legal faster.




This was the start of the “main fire”.



A couple of quite legal people were starting to get cold so they got close to the flames to keep warm.



In Australia, as the likelihood of you getting burnt increases, so does your masculinity. Your reputation as being a “one of the guys” also improves.



Here’s our friend Dave mate who was practising his fire-lighting earlier. He said, “how good is the fire mate?” and I replied, “great fire mate”.  After that he held up his beer towards me and smiled and said “gotta keep legal mate, cheers”. Then he touched his beer on my beer.


In real life this car was moving. The man at the back is hanging out the window smoking a cigarette and not wearing a seat-belt, that is also illegal unless you are holding a beer.



The was still moving…



Now it’s circling around behind the fire.



The fire mate was burning well.



Here you see a “cobber” (a word for person) in a safety vest. A safety vest is important incase anything gets unsafe. Here, Dave mate was encouraging the cobber driving the car to ram it into the fire, saying things like “just do it ya pussy” and “fuck yeah!”. 



This is a photograph of the car accelerating towards the fire after someone yelled “fuck yeah”.



There was three noises here: 1) The noise of the car’s engine revving. 2) The sound of the car hitting the fire. 3) People yelling “fuck yeah!”



They asked me to take a photo of them holding beers in front of the fire in case anyone thought they were breaking the law.



The fire was about 10 cobbers high.



Here are two law abiding Australian citizens having a good time. If you look carefully you can see a warm dog in this photo.



The guy on the left in the vest, was still making sure everything was safe.



These branches were not safe mate.



This is an interesting legal situation which we can look at. There’s four cobbers involved. We’ll call them 1) Lonely guy (possibly Martin Sheen) on the far left with a white wine. 2) Guy holding white cup. 3) Guy holding two drinks (ultra legal) and 4) Guy pointing. Guy pointing is accusing white cup of not having any alcohol in his cup and running the risk of being illegal.



White cup thinks this is funny, but guy pointing doesn’t think it’s a laughing matter. Two drinks doesn’t know what to say or do so he’s just looking at the ground. Martin Sheen/lonely guy on the left is still there, keeping out of it.



Pointer is telling white cup, that if he can’t prove he has any alcohol in his cup, then he has to go or he’s going to call the police. Two cups secretly thinks this is a bit harsh, but doesn’t saying anything because of social anxiety. Martin Sheen is legal enough to not really care either way.  White cup doesn’t know what to think anymore…



Meanwhile, the fire burns….



Another law abiding citizen on the right.



A female cobber is called a sheila.



The cobber in the middle is making sure “matey”  in the hoodie is legal.



This is nearly the end of the story about fire.




The lessons of the story are that alcohol and fire make men yell “fuck yeah”, fluorescent vests are not fire-proof , it hurts to pick up hot coals and if you drink enough beer you might drive your car into a fire.